I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
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