you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
