Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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