I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
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