Why does Corona taste like a burp?
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
