my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
