Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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