Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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