I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Randomize
