Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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