wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
If its not for food we ain't going out.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Never joke about your clitoris.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
