so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
