My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
