I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
You may now shotgun with the bride
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
