why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
