i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Randomize
