tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Randomize
