here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
he just fucked me for my cheese.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
