where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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