the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
