I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
