the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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