The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
This is the prime rib incident all over again
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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