that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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