Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Houston, we have a blender
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize