so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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