I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
