How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
