wake up i wanna do it froggy style
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
