I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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