guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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