Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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