just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I think my moral compass just broke
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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