Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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