You're completely useless in the revolution.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
