Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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