oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
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