Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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