I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
