dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
