i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
So gin and wine won't be happening again
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
