I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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