She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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