Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
