there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
