So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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