I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
