VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
MIDGETS
????
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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