I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
