My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
