You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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