as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
