I accidentally had phone sex last night
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I'm always down for nudity.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
