FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
