I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Randomize
