You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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