Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize