I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
