3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
