You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
