My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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